The times they be a changin'

The next few weeks are going to be some of hardest ones I have ever had. Right now I am wishing I could crawl into bed and not get back out until September. But part of being an adult is facing the bad times with a smile and then crying silently in the bathroom when no one is looking. First off my oldest daughter "Ne-ne" is starting kindergarten on the 12th and honestly I am freaking out. I am not sure when she went from my little baby to grown up little girl but I don't think I am already for it. She couldn't be more excited which has helped my anxiety, but I still can't shake the feeling like I am being abondened. I also have this awful feeling that from now on time with just move faster and faster and before I know it she will be grown up gone and that breaks my heart. Second my youngest "the Fuzz" is starting preschool on Monday. I know she is ready and will do great but what the hell am I going to do without her around?! I am all of a sudden going from having kids full time to having free time and that stresses me out. And it's made me realize I have zero ambishion to do anything but be a mom, so what do I do when they aren't around? I could clean or cook or do anything really but damn if I'm not going to be lonely. Third my mother and father in law are getting ready to leave on a three year mission to Peru. They are going to be a huge part of the new Mormon temple being built there. Now, let me just get it out of the way and say that I am not now nor have I ever been Mormon. And while I understand their devotion to the church I have to admit I AMA little mad about them leaving. They are going away for three years, and will probably not have the opportunity to comehometo visit becaus they would have to pay for the tickets. That's means they will be missing three years of their 8 kids lives and three years of their 31 grand kids life's. We have been spoiled by having them live 5 minutes away and I know my kids are going to have a hard time understanding why no one is there anymore. They are going to be very missed. And last by not least by best friend in the whole wide world is moving to Korea for a year. I have a hard time even talking about it because I cannot imagin my life without her. She has been a huge part of my life since 5th grade and I am going to feel lost without her. She has been my reason for getting out of the house for years and besides my husband she is truly my only friend here anymore. Deep down I have always known she was meant for something so much bigger and better than life here, she has always been the smart one. And I hope that she goes and does wonderful things and changes people's life's and never comes back to this dead end town. I want nothing but the best things for her in life whatever that may be. She is my sister and my friend and I will miss her like crazy. Well, I actually feel better now that I have written all this down. I apoligize for any errors in my spelling or grammar. I was having to write this while sobbing. Thanks for listening.